Said the Universe to Me

“Change is scary. The unknown is filled with darkness and doubt. But the “unknown” only exists in the future. The “now” is clear and light and real. Now, I am in transition -- between two states of being. I’m evolving from my fifteen-year career as a high school teacher to a brand new role: intervention specialist. Not my first change. Not my last. But my current evolution.

Transitions force you to look in both directions: the past (where you came from) and future (where you are going). And this in-between space -- feels like falling. But it’s time to wake up and show up to the growing pains and exhilaration of falling or flying through two states of being! The metamorphosis.

Do you know what caterpillars do in that cocoon? How exactly they rearrange and become butterflies? They melt. They literally melt. Then the cells know what to do all on their own -- how to put the melted caterpillar back together. I bet the melting hurts like hell. I wonder if they know -- if there is a faith and trust to it, or simply a surrender. I bet the plants and animals are better at all that -- surrendering to their inherent nature. Just being. Even when melting. Carl Jung said, “The only way out is through.” Do they chant that? The caterpillars -- as they melt?

So my limbs are not melting off my bones, but changing one’s identity can feel that way -- when you are in the middle of it all. Like you are not sure if this pile of melted life has the capacity to rise up and be another completely new thing. Doubt. Self-doubt. Fear. Worry. Anxiety. The works.

The only way through -- for me-- is to stay in the “now.” It’s the only place that is real -- where the change, the metamorphosis, is actually happening. And when I forget how to do this… when I am longing to eat whatever caterpillars eat and wondering if flying is really ever in my cards, then I just breathe. But I’m a breath grabber -- one who moves from one breath to the next without the pause in between. Thus my love for the “em dash” -- the punctuation for interruption. The pause between inhalation and exhalation honor the closing of one moment and the opening of the next. Trusting that life -- like breathing -- is a series of comings and going -- that flow at their own pace, not mine. That’s the nature of the universe.

On the one hand, these thoughts, these suggestions -- are they for the universe or from it? It is me who wants to change or the universe inviting me to? Are these thoughts coming from the universe to me or from me to the universe? If I am quiet, then will I know? Will I hear us becoming one? The Universe and me.

I would like to invite the suggestion that when you feel like you are falling and afraid the muck and sh*t of your life will never again take fruitful form -- let go. Let the earth rise up to catch you, and let the sun dispel darkness, and let the wind take your thoughts with it. And give the worry back to the world, and let the Earth hold you. Maybe someday the ground will crumble, and the sun won’t rise -- but not today. Today the Earth is holding you. Hold it back.

Change is the only constant, or so they say. The self is always evolving -- with our without our direction or notice. Trust that what you are becoming is brilliant and beautiful and capable of taking you to new worlds,” said the Universe to me.